As noted in my last post below, I preached recently on the topic of crisis pregnancies. A woman in attendance with whom I had a subsequent conversation about the sermon consented to providing me with her thoughts in writing. This post and the previous one contain those thoughts. In this response, she lists a number of questions that will likely go through the mind of a woman in a crisis pregnancy.
I note again that the writer is herself pro-life, and a devout and mature Christian. Her words are her own and are posted here unedited. Her responses regarding government support reflect either British Columbian or Canadian law.
Questions that a single pregnant woman may have to ask herself – that might lead to her considering an abortion:
Q: Why did I do this? We were just having fun. This wasn't part of the plan.
A: Of course not. When our society socialized you to be sexual, putting you in a bikini at two and sexually provocative clothes at ten, when we asked you every year if you had a boyfriend yet, birth control and pregnancy were never mentioned.
In your family, you may not have been encouraged to plan for a career, or taught to think of your own future apart from a man. You live in a male-dominant society.
Q: Why didn't we use birth control OR how come the birth control we used didn't work?
A: When movies and advertising show sex as recreation or romance, but responsibility is not part of the package. Your school may have offered some elementary sex education, but your church probably didn't. You may not want to believe you planned to have intercourse. The romantic myth says you were caught unawares and swept away by passion, not hormones (yours) or a desire to score (his)
Q: [Possibly] Who is the father?
Q: How will he react to discovering I'm pregnant?
A: Often it will be the end of the relationship, even if you have an abortion to please him.
Q: Do I want him to be my partner and the child's live-in father, even if he wants to be?
Q: I had a couple of drinks that night. Will that affect the baby?
Q: What will my parents think? Can I keep them from knowing?
Q: What will my friends think? Will any of them stand by me?
Q: Can I keep my job? My wages are low as it is and my hours uncertain. I'm just barely getting by.
A: Birth mothers in BC are entitled to up to 17 weeks of unpaid leave plus 35 weeks of unpaid parental leave, or up to 37 weeks of unpaid parental leave if pregnancy leave is not taken (Maximum of 52 weeks) but jobs often mysteriously disappear when women in “glamour” jobs become pregnant. Maternity/parental benefits (up to 50 weeks) available to people who have worked 600 hours in the last year or since their last Employment Insurance claim, are not lavish, especially since women are streamed into low wage jobs and the average income for women, even the ones who get full time full year jobs, is only 70% of the average male wage.
Q: Can I get income assistance and stay home with the baby?
A: Yes, but your income will be about half of poverty level income, and will end when the child is 3.
Q: My apartment is crowded as it is. Can I find a bigger one that I can afford? Will landlords rent to me when they find I'm a single mother?
A: Tenants report a distinct bias against families with children, especially single mothers. There is a critical shortage of affordable housing in most cities.
Q: How much does infant care cost anyway?
A: An average of $45 a day [$600-$1000 a month, North Shore, British Columbia]
Q: Are there subsidies for childcare?
A: Limited ones. See http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/childcare/application.htm
There is also a taxable federal benefit of $100 a month until the child is six.
Q: Are there any spaces in my neighborhood, supposing that I can afford it?
A: Investigate that ASAP. There is a severe shortage in most Canadian cities.
Q: Am I the mothering type? Especially the single mothering type?
Q: It will be twenty years before s/he's independent. By then I'll be in my forties.
Q: Can I put the child up for adoption?
A: Yes, but you may grieve all your life long. “Open” adoptions are better than closed ones, for both mother and child, but usually harder to arrange.
Q: Can I get an abortion?
A: Yes, if you make your decision early, but even if you do not have a belief that the life of an non-viable fetus is sacred, you may “never know if you've done the right thing,” [quote from a secular woman who had an abortion in order to escape from her abusive husband]
Note: These are questions for a North American middle class “white” woman. In some societies a baby has made a young woman more marriageable. In others the baby will be welcome. So the answer to John Sutherland's excellent question “Who put the crisis in crisis pregnancy?” is “We did – as a society”. Pornography, advertising and movies encourage young people to be sexual without being responsible. Then when the inevitable happens, we do not provide well for the mother and her child. We are an anti-life society.
Wednesday 19 December 2007
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1 comment:
Whle there is nothing stated in this post or the other post by Mahlah that is technically inaccurate, I sense a bitterness towards society and towards men that colours the entire point being made. It's incredibly convenient to blame society or an entire gender for the poor decisions made by its members; but sexual intercourse and abortion are both very personal acts that require taking very personal responsibility.
If the young woman who is aborting her pregnancy is, for all intents and purposes, still a child, then I care little what society's role ought to be--rather I'd like to know what kind of parenting she's been receiving and why her parents have allowed her to develop in a way that sets her up for making such poor decisions.
What have her parents taught her about sex and birth control? What problem solving skills have they helped her to develop? What measure of personal responsibility have they taught her to take? What kind of mutual respect have they developed with their children so that the child can make a mistake (even a huge mistake) and still feel safe to approach her parents for help and advice?
Society (male dominated or otherwise) certainly hasn't helped to make things easier; but, this is not a societal issue, it's a personal issue that needs to be dealth with in spite of society. Pointing fingers by definition invalidates personal responsibility--and isn't that the problem in the first place?
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